Things that are True

[livingancestor]

-A person who wears a fanny pack loves science fiction, and vice versa.
-A person who wears a belt with shorts is probably religious.
-If a person says he enjoys the opera, that person is a liar.
-If the outside of the CD has the word "Zappa" on it, you're going to be disappointed by the music inside.
-If the video box shows a beautiful woman pointing a gun, the movie is crap.
-If the flyer shows the band standing on the railroad tracks, the band is crap.
-If a guy has cords on his sunglasses, he's a dick. If the sunglasses are mirrored, he's probably dangerous.
-All golfers like women.
-If she smokes, she f***s.
-If a person says, "Go look in the sink" - don't.
-The day a person goes to the store to buy a book of word-search puzzles marks the beginning of the long, slow decline to death.
-You should always steer clear of Martin Luther King Jr. Drive, regardless of the city you are in.
-Ugly travels in packs.
-A drunk fat woman is louder than The Who.
-If you make fun of Kevin Bacon too much, your nose will stay that way.
-No black person has ever used the term "Bumf**k, Egypt."
-If the letters PhD appear after a person's name, that person will remain outdoors even after it's started raining.
-Celebrity overdoses are all the more tragic because the person was always right on the verge of getting their life turned around.
-Nobody cares about the weird dream you had last night.
-You CAN judge a book by its cover.
-If a man says he has a large penis, he has a small penis. If a man says he has a small penis, he has a small penis.
-If the term "lift-kit" is in your vocabulary, you've never kept a journal.
-If you open a sh** cafe in a trendy neighborhood, people will line up with money in their hands begging to eat sh**.
-Anything above 87 octane is specially formulated for suckers.
-A disabled person is courageous. There is no such thing as a crippled coward.
-People who say, "Whoa, I'm not even going to touch that one!!" can't think of anything clever to say.
-One of the main requirements for being a basketball coach is the ability to act like you just can't f**king believe it.

Add your own truisms!

[mruch89]

-The above post was already edited (This one was edited as well)
-Dale will get picked on in this Forum
-Jim will say something snarky

[Pilgrim]

-2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 rights make a left.

-Melvin 3:16 is all you need to know about dating this is the actual formula that me and several other losers have used to land amazing women:

3:14 Only date chicks that you didn't think you could date. Never date someone your level, or below you. Use the Dad test if you must. (that would be you bring her to your parents and your dad goes "Woe!")
3:15 Break up with that chick, and only date chicks above her (standard categories apply) rinse and repeat as necessary. The trick is to never ever go down in quality.
3:15 At this point, you'll be so far above your pay grade you need to start looking for the "intangibles" since she'll have looks/brains/personality etc. Once you find the girl that perfect and that far out of your league, proceed to verse 3:16
3:16 *SECRET MUST PAY TO LEARN THIS STEP!
3:17 Lock that sh** down tight before she realizes how far below her you are and can leave you.

[The Watcher]

* Mike's post above will come true in part in this post.
* Justin is not hip no matter how much he thinks he is. Just take a look at the picture to the left. Yeah. See what I mean?
* Dale likes movies and TV shows that are otherwise unwatchable by normal human standards.
* The rest of us say we like them just to seem cool... but we really don't.
* Except for Forrest. He will tell them he doesn't like them. He's cool like that.
* Saying "cool like that" does not make Justin any more hip.

[The Watcher]

http://noriaki_kakyouin.freepgs.com/11666544108014057.jpg

[Pilgrim]

-Justin is hip, his lack of knowing how Hip he really is is a part of what makes him so Hip.

-They will never make one of my profanity laden rants to the OnStar Operator into a commercial. (most of these rants have nothing to do with anything OnStar could help with.

-I Don't actually have OnStar... just the promise of being there when I need them makes me all weak and I call every few days to see if they've abandoned me yet.

-Stu's sig is my favorite on the boards at this time, makes me laugh... Justin's comes in a close second...

[Rorschach]

* I was busy rewatching EYES WIDE SHUT for the nth time when Justin's Gamer Girls pic made me laugh Diet Rite through my nose.
* Seeing weird movies per se never makes you cool, nor does actually understanding them. It's the unpredictable aftereffects of such exposure that might do it.
* Case in point: Stu.
* "Normal Human Standards" are boring. They produce DEAL OR NO DEAL and NANNY 911.
* I can't think of any true Blonde gamer grrl.
* Everything I say is a lie. Or at least made up.
* Norman, Coordinate!

[Pilgrim]

You're watching Eye's Wide shut at work?

Man I gotta get into your group!

[Rorschach]

* Mozart's music really *does* have too many notes.
* Kim Novak was unbelievably hot, back in the day.
* The Founding Fathers are like the Bible or the Koran - everyone quotes them for their own purposes.
* Wagner's opera is not as bad as it sounds.
* Smoking Bans are fascist bull-hockey.
* You know Alberto Gonzales is Evil when even John Ashcroft says as much.
* I miss "Seinfeld"
* The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. - MT
* I don't really get what that Mark Twain quote just above means, but it sounds good.
* If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style - Quentin Crisp
* What History teaches is the People and Governments have never learned anything from History. - Hegel
* Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious. - George Orwell

[Pilgrim]

* Mozart's music really *does* have too many notes.
* Kim Novak was unbelievably hot, back in the day.
* The Founding Fathers are like the Bible or the Koran - everyone quotes them for their own purposes.
* Wagner's opera is not as bad as it sounds.
* Smoking Bans are fascist bull-hockey.
* You know Alberto Gonzales is Evil when even John Ashcroft says as much.
* I miss "Seinfeld"
* The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. - MT
* I don't really get what that Mark Twain quote just above means, but it sounds good.
* If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style - Quentin Crisp
* What History teaches is the People and Governments have never learned anything from History. - Hegel
* Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious. - George Orwell

The Truth Hath been found...

We need a Man Law Icon or Something...

[ColGreeley]

The worst things a guy can hear from a woman is " we need to talk."
"You tried and you failed, what did you learn? Never Love."
My head will never get any smaller.

[The Watcher]

The Truth Hath been found...

We need a Man Law Icon or Something...
So let it be written, so let it be done... straight from the Miller commercial.
http://noriaki_kakyouin.freepgs.com/manlawpic.jpg

[Pilgrim]

Can I be HHH???!?!?!?!

[The Watcher]

If you're HHH, then Forrest is Burt Renolds. And me? I'm Eddie Griffin.

* Stating that he is Eddie Griffin does not make Justin more hip.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_law

[Pilgrim]

I was honestly going to Suggest you For Eddie Griffin!

Now you can go smash a million dollar 1-500 car and laugh about it!

[ColGreeley]

DEXTER is one of the great new shows out there.
I am not getting any younger.
I willnever understand Colorado weather

[Rorschach]

I'm from Pittsburgh, can I be The Bus?

[ColGreeley]

I am almost afraid to ask who I might be.

[papaThunder]

*Ninjas flip out and kill people all the time

[Pilgrim]

I am almost afraid to ask who I might be.
I gotta go with Jimmy Johnson for you Greeley...

And yeah Dale you should be MR. Bus!

[Rorschach]

* Real Men end Conference calls early.
* It is only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked. - Warren Buffet
* Politics is an honest effort to misunderstand one another. - Robert Frost
* I ate a red candle once. - Brick Tamland
* You know who else is really hot? Rachel Weisz.
* Most of us love from our need to love, not because we find someone deserving. - Nikki Giovanni
* If you feel you don't know what's going on, you're never alone. If you really know what's going on, you're always alone.
* Ben Browder and Claudia Black need a new TV show. Or better yet, restart FARSCAPE.

[ColGreeley]

But Johnson has horrbile hair, and I don't have any! LOL.

[queenhelgar]

Troy - I thought the worst thing a woman could say to a man is "Can't we just be friends?"

I think your Man Law Icon should be girls jumping on trampolines:) hahahaha

[ColGreeley]

Nancy, that is another one that can crush a man. Thank you for reminding me.

[mruch89]

-No food tastes bad if it has been deep fried, smothered in gravy or dipped in Salsa or Ranch dressing
-The more you drive the stupider you get
-You can always get advice on how to raise your child, even when you don't ask for any

[mruch89]

I think your Man Law Icon should be girls jumping on trampolines

Why do you think I bought a trampoline?

[ColGreeley]

Mmmmmmm....deep fried.......

[The Watcher]

mmm... gravy

[Rorschach]

A baker's dozen from William S. Burroughs

* Be just and if you can't be just, be arbitrary.
* Every man has inside himself a parasitic being who is acting not at all to his advantage.
* I am getting so far out one day I won't come back at all.
* Man is an artifact designed for space travel. He is not designed to remain in his present biologic state any more than a tadpole is designed to remain a tadpole.
* Perhaps all pleasure is only relief.
* The aim of education is the knowledge, not of facts, but of values.
* Happiness is a byproduct of function, purpose, and conflict; those who seek happiness for itself seek victory without war.
* How I hate those who are dedicated to producing conformity.
* Anything that can be done chemically can be done by other means.
* Admittedly, a homosexual can be conditioned to react sexually to a woman, or to an old boot for that matter. In fact, both homo - and heterosexual experimental subjects have been conditioned to react sexually to an old boot, and you can save a lot of money that way.
* Black magic operates most effectively in preconscious, marginal areas. Casual curses are the most effective.
* I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it.
* Most of the trouble in this world has been caused by folks who can't mind their own business, because they have no business of their own to mind, any more than a smallpox virus has.

[Pilgrim]

Excellent

I'm stealing one of those for Sig update...

[squevitch]

*Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.*
*The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.*
*We learn from history that we do not learn from history.*
*Try to look unimportant. They might be low on ammo*
*In Vino Veritas (In Wine there is Truth)
*Justin actually came to Halloween as a Battlemech*
*Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time.*
*Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups*
*Tracers go both ways*
*Interchangeable parts aren't.*
*All things being equal, fat people use more soap*

[ColGreeley]

I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it.


Oh, I like that one.

[Pilgrim]

Yeah that's the one I stole!


Oh and more Truth!


-Eventus Stultorum Magister. Only fools need to learn from Experience.

[Ze_Sexy]

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way when you do criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

[FormShaper]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving may not be your thing.

[ColGreeley]

Never get involved in a land battle in Asia.

[Stu]

Krispie Kreme is People.

The Squids May Not Ascend.

"Nothing is real. Everything is permitted." WSB

Love your enemies, because your friends will turn out to be a bunch of bastards."

Napoleon Solo: Are you free?
Ilya Kuiakin: No man is free who has to work for a living. But I am available.

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius

A favorite from my mom:
"We have two ends with a common link
With one we sit; with one we think
Success depends on which we use
Heads we win; tails we lose"

[Ze_Sexy]

Everything is true... Even false things are true.
-Malaclypse the Younger

Fnord!

[Pilgrim]

-Moderation in all things, especially moderation.

[The Watcher]

The following is the true meaning of life:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMN
OPQRSTUVWXYZ
1234567890

Note: You may need to use some of the letters more than once. Unscrambling may also be necessary.

Fnord

[Rorschach]

Fie on thy puzzles! I know the Meaning already:

"Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."

[mruch89]

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -Ernest Hemingway

[Pilgrim]

“Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow...” -Lawrence Clark Powell

[Edge]

My personal Favorite...

"Common Sense is a set of prejudges learned by age 18." - Albert Einstein

[Pilgrim]

And now We'll do the E.M. Cioran Set!


Each concession we make is accompanied by an inner diminution of which we are not immediately conscious.

For you who no longer posses it, freedom is everything, for us who do, it is merely an illusion.

If we could see ourselves as others see us, we would vanish on the spot.

It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.

My mission is to kill time, and time's to kill me in its turn. How comfortable one is among murderers.

No human beings are more dangerous than those who have suffered for a belief: the great persecutors are recruited from the martyrs not quite beheaded. Far from diminishing the appetite for power, suffering exasperates it.


Revenge is not always sweet, once it is consummated we feel inferior to our victim.

The task of the solitary man is to be even more solitary.

Write books only if you are going to say in them the things you would never dare confide to anyone.